October 21, 2007 Some rough days!!!

My Weight Chart:




I am amazed at this plan...but it makes sense. Around 500 calories a day...you are bound to lose weight. My brain and those old tapes that we keep there just have to get used to seeing the numbers. My thoughts are telling me...yeah...you lost 13 lbs. But you have lost 13 before, what is going to keep you from gaining????? I am working on getting these tapes erased...but dang...it takes time. I am such an ecourager for everyone else...I just have to learn to be an encourager to myself. I deserve this!! Now I just need to get my psyche to realize it!!!! LOL

I have been heavy or big boned all my life....it has been part of me and I know I will go through some greiving losing her...but it is for the best. My old body needs to die to let the new one be born. I didn't put my most weight on until I was married. Had about 10 years of close to or around 300 and over in weight. Now that I am divorced...I can see part of my patterns. I don't like to give up on things...My marriage should have ended 10 years before it did....lasted 20 years. Always holding out for that last thread of hope. I guess I followed that through with my weight issues...always holding out. I thought I was happy with myself...but you know looking back, and hindsight is so revealing, I was complacent...just getting by. But I deserve more than that. I deserve the best!!!! The best for me!!!! Whatever that is....I deserve it. My new little mantra that I have to keep beating into my brain...until it sticks! LOL

Well I have completed my first week of P2. It has been interesting. I have diabetes. So adjusting my meds and taking my blood sugars through out the day to make sure I don't go to low. I also have IBS. So this has made this diet somewhat interesting. My veggies are doing a number with the IBS. Thursday, the sh&t really hit the fan!, literally! Friday I was a bit better in that area...but then I had a crash in my bloodsugars!!!! What a day!! I had to eat to bring it back up...or else if ignored is not a good thing! I had two saltine crackers and two m&m's. It brought it up to 80, so I stopped. But the rest of the day I felt like crap. Came home and slept for 3 hours. Felt better when I got up. Another thing I have noticed is I do have alot of hunger pains. But if I let it go to long, when I try and eat...I have to force myself. I don't like that feeling. I get to wear I almost want to gag to get the food down. Have to figure out something to do about that. But the veggie thing is the biggest hurdle for right now. I wonder if there are other veggies that can be eaten without the IBS side effects. Will have to try and experiment and see what happens. I know it may cause not as much of a loss, but any loss is better than none. It has taken me awhile to put on the weight...I am not looking for quick fixes...just a jump start. In the past 4 years, my body has goes through a weight loss phase...about 3-4 months in the fall going into winter. I can lose about 10-15 lbs and pretty much keep most of it off. I will eat the same way through out the year and body won't budge. I would get so frustrated!!!

My doctor has a weight loss office as well as his internal med office. He suggested that I go to them. My blood levels are good in all areas except for my triglycerides. They are over 400 and he said the only thing left to do is loose weight. So I went to his weight loss center. They offer two plans. I is like Optifast..Medifast plan with the shakes and meals. The other is Releana. I opted for the Releana and even though it is extreme. I like the fact that the Hcg resets your metabolism. So I am in the first cycle of Phase 2. I know I will need to do it again. But maybe my body will get to a point where I can just lose with my regular excerise and a low carb diet. But I will cross that road when I get there....just have to remember one day at a time.